Twelve Marauder Tales
by TheBeanMonster
Summary: Twelve long or short or inbetween one shots involving Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs our favourite Marauder boys and their times at Hogwarts.
1. Sirius Black and the Sorting Hat

Hi.

I love the Marauders but I really don't think I could hold up a full story. So I've decided that I'm going to do thirty seven one shots involving the Marauders at Hogwarts.

This isn't a highly original idea, mind you, but one shots are fun and so are the Marauders, which doubles to fun, therefore thirty seven one shots about the Marauders is like seventy four times the fun!

Enjoy!

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**1. Sirius Black and the Sorting Hat**

"Black, Sirius!" called Professor McGonagall's voice.

Sirius strode up to the stool and sat down, the eyes of everyone in the Great Hall on him. Professor McGonagall dropped the Sorting Hat on his head and it fell over his eyes.

"Ah, Sirius Black," said a voice in Sirius's ear.

"Yeah, that's me," thought Sirius, "state the bleeding obvious."

"I see you've inherrited the family attitude," said the Hat.

"Does that count towards which House I'll be put in?" Sirius asked, "because if it doesn't then you're just wasting time."

"True, true," said the Hat, "so do you have any preferences Mr Black?"

"I can choose?"

"Generally I don't give students that option but I think you seem capable of choosing your own House," said the Hat.

"So I should feel priviledged then?"

"I would say so," said the Hat. "So which House will it be?"

"Which House do you think would most annoy the family?" asked Sirius as if it were the most obvious thing in the world and the Hat was just playing stupid.

"Good point," said the Hat, and Sirius was sure that had the Sorting Hat been a person it would've bowed it's head. "I think you should most definitely be GRYFFINDOR!"

Sirius grinned and strode happily over to the Gryffindor table, knowing all to well that he was going to be receiving a Howler from his mother the next morning to which he had to wrestle down the urge to laugh out loud at.


	2. Secret Passages: Fourth Floor Mirror

Hey! Just to let you know that I'm open to any suggestions you might like for story ideas. I'm bound to run out sooner or later so any suggestions are very welcome.

Thanks!

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**2. Secret Passages: Fourth Floor Mirror**

James was sprinting the fastest, Remus close behind, Sirius jogging casually and Peter, with his little legs, trying to keep up.

"James, I can't believe you did that!" yelled Remus. "Professor McGonagall's going kill us!"

"God, Remus, you worry way too much," said Sirius, "it was just a bit of fun."

"He turned her hat orange!" yelled Remus. "_Orange_!"

Peter giggled. "It was funny, James," he said, breathing heavily.

James grinned just as they all heard an evil cackle.

"Oh dear," said Sirius, stopping.

"This can't be good," said Peter, who had just run into the stationary Sirius.

"Damn," said James, who had also stopped.

"Peeves," hissed Remus, stopping and turning to face James with a 'get us out of this' look.

Professor McGonagall's footsteps were about a corridor away. Peeve's cackle was a corridor the other way. They were trapped.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" asked James.

"Because you got us into this!" hissed Remus hysterically.

Peter began biting his nails. Sirius started to whistle, his hands in his pockets. James looked at Remus with a look of plea.

"Pathetic," mumbled Remus.

"Excuse me?" said James.

"Look at yourself. This is _your_ mess. If you hadn't turned her hat _orange_ we wouldn't be running from her."

James looked past Remus's shoulder.

"What are you looking at?" snapped Remus.

"There's a mirror there... I do look kind of pathetic now that you mention it..." said James examining his reflection, rather embarassed.

Remus looked behind him. There was a big, door-sized antique mirror. He must have walked past it a hundred times before but never really noticed it until now. He had a thought. Well, it was more just a hunch... a wild guess... a hope. They had no choice really.

Remus approached the mirror.

"What're you doing?" asked Sirius curiously.

"Going to want to hope this works else McGonagall or Peeves, or both, will be here in a second," said Remus who was now feeling around the edges of the mirror. "This is either going to be brilliant or I'm going to be paying alot for damage to school property.

"Hope what works?" asked Peter, following Remus's fingers with his eyes.

Remus was now studying the mirror carefully. Peeves' cackle was getting louder and McGonagall's footsteps were getting closer.

"I wonder..." he whispered to himself.

"Wonder what?" asked James, now getting impatient, almost fretting.

Remus gave his answer by wrenching the mirror open as if were a door. He took a moment to examine his brilliant guess before shoving his friends through the passage behind the mirror and following in himself. He shut the mirror. They were standing in a passage that looked like any normal corridor in the Castle, however from the instant they had stepped into it they knew it was secret.

"Well," said Remus, genuinely surprised by the secret passage, "this is surprising."

James, Sirius and Peter just stood gaping at Remus.

"God, you're _brilliant_, Remus," said James.

"I know," said Remus smugly as the sounds of Peeves swooping down the corridor and Professor McGonagall's furious footsteps passed right past the mirror.


	3. Sirius's Good News

I like this one a fair bit. I only wrote it for the irony.

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**3. Sirius's Good News**

Sirius bounded joyfully into the dormitory waving about a piece of parchment. He had a big grin on his face as he almost skipped about the room.

"Guess what?" he quizzed the others as he took a handful of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans from the box Peter had clutched in his hands.

"Someone slipped you a cauldronful of Essence of Euphoria," said James rolling his eyes, also taking some Beans from Peter's box.

"No," said Sirius, now sitting on the edge of his bed still bouncing happily. He waved the parchment in the air again. "I've just gotten a letter."

"Gee, Sirius, because it's not every day we get letters," said Remus sarcastically, who also helped himself to some Beans.

"Yeah but this one brings good news," said Sirius, "it isn't a Howler or anything. It isn't even from my mum."

"Wow," said Peter, "that's different..."

"Yeah, well anyway," continued Sirius, "my cousin Andromeda's just had a baby!"

"I thought you hated your family?" said Remus, who was a little confused.

"Not Andromeda, she's cool," said Sirius, "so yeah, she's just had a baby."

"Is it a boy or girl?" asked James.

"Girl," replied Sirius, who was now flicking Beans out the window.

"What's her name?" asked Peter.

"Nymphadora," said Sirius pulling a face which was either the result of his cousin's strange choice in names or he'd just eaten a mud flavoured bean.

James laughed. "Poor kid."

"Mm," agreed Remus, laughing a little as he examined a small, pink Bean between his fingers, "I can't help but think that poor girl is going to grow up and never forgive her mother for giving her a name like that."


	4. Remus is a Werewolf Part One

This is a two shot. Not fond of it but tell me what you think. I just don't like how it's all dialogue but that's the only way I could do it.

Anyway, read on.

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4. Remus is a Werewolf Part One**

James walked down the charms corridor looking for Lily.

"James!" hissed a voice from inside a classroom.

James stopped and looked around, hoping it was Lily. Instead a familiar head poked out of the doorway. Sirius.

"Oh," said James dully, "it's you."

"Gee, thanks, James," said Sirius sarcastically. "Come here for a minute."

"Why?"

"Because, just come."

Sirius seized James by the arm and pulled him into the empty classroom.

"Sirius, what's going on?" asked James, rubbing his arm.

Sirius checked the corridor before shutting the door.

"Sirius? Where are Remus and Peter?"

"That's what I wanted to talk about," said Sirius seriously.

"What Peter?" asked James, raising an eyebrow.

"No," Sirius pulled a face, "Remus."

"Oh, okay... why?"

"Because," said Sirius, "his Mum isn't sick..."

"Yeah, I knew that," said James.

"You did?" Sirius looked confused.

"Yeah. Didn't he tell you his Dad's sick now?" Said James as if it were completely obvious.

Sirius looked at James as if he were an idiot.

"His Dad isn't sick, you moron," said Sirius.

"He isn't?"

"No. I think it's Remus that's sick," said Sirius seriously.

"What makes you think he's sick?" asked James.

"Have you noticed he only goes away on the full moon?" asked Sirius.

"No..."

"Well that's because you've never been good at astronomy."

"Well I'm not the one who comes from a family where everyone is named after something astronomical," retorted James.

"Shut up," snapped Sirius. "Anyway, Remus always goes away on the full moon."

"Well... he can't be... I mean maybe it's just coincidence."

"Unlikely," said Sirius. "He comes back looking worse each time. It isn't coincidence."

"So you mean - ?"

"Remus is a werewolf," said Sirius, nodding.

"Oh..."

"But there's nothing wrong with that," added Sirius. "I mean, I'm okay with it and I can fully understand why he never told us."

"Same here," agreed James. "Do you think he'll mind if we knew?"

"I think he'll want to know that we know."

"Agreed."

"I think we should do something for him too," said Sirius, "you know, to make it better for him."

"That's a brilliant idea. I reckon he'll like that."

"Let's go tell him," suggested Sirius.

"Where is he?"

"In the library," said Sirius, "come on, let's go."

The two boys hurried out of the classroom to find their friend.


	5. Remus is a Werewolf Part Two

This is the second half of the two shot (stating the obvious, of course). Part two is alot better than part one, take my word for it.

Enjoy!

P.S. You are welcome to suggest any story ideas.

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5. Remus is a Werewolf Part Two**

Remus was sitting in the library, very much absorbed in _Hogwarts a History_. It was the weekend but he hadn't been able to find Sirius, James or Peter for some odd reason, so he had resorted to sitting in the library and burying his nose in his favourite book and filling his head with interesting and highly annoying facts about the Hogwarts Castle.

"Hey, Remus," said a happily familiar voice. Sirius sat down next to him, a funny look that was a cross between being happy and a little un-Siriusly nervous on his face.

"Oh, hi, Sirius," said Remus, looking up from his book. "I was looking for you earlier but I couldn't find - "

"Hi, Remus," said another voice he knew well. James joined them, sitting on Remus's other side.

"James, hi," said Remus, bewildered by their sudden appearance. He had looked for them all morning and couldn't find them; now they were just there, sitting next to him. "How'd you two find me? I was looking all morning."

"Well, James here was looking for Lily, as usual," explained Sirius, "and I... well... who cares? And I was going to look for you anyway, and I know you well enough that you'd be here."

"Oh, alright," said Remus, who had just turned back to his book.

"And we need to talk," said James suddenly.

Remus looked up sceptically. "About what?"

"You," said Sirius seriously.

"Uh... okay..." said Remus slowly. He turned back to his book nervously, not at all interested in talking about himself. Sirius yanked the book out from under his nose and jammed it in a bookcase behind him. "Hey! I was reading that!" said Remus, annoyed. "And it doesn't go there."

"Who cares?" asked Sirius.

"Madam Pince," said Remus, a smirk on his face.

"Ah," said Sirius, drumming his fingers worridly on the table.

"We can deal with her later," said James quickly. "This is more important."

"Why?" asked Remus. "What's so important about me?"

"We know your secret," said Sirius quietly.

Remus sat a little straighter, his eyes flickering around the library nervously. "What secret? I don't have a secret."

James coughed and Sirius gave a snort of disbelief.

"I don't!" Remus assured them, but still unable to hide his nervousness.

"Then why are you so wound up about it?" queeried James.

"I'm not!"

Sirius laughed. "Remus, mate, don't worry," he said, patting Remus on the back.

"I'm not!"

"Yes you are," said James, Sirius nodding in agreement.

"I just want to say that I'm no fool when it comes to Astronomy," said Sirius. "James is, though," he added, making Remus laugh a little. "And I notice the moon, Remus."

Remus wished he would just sink into the floor. They were going to leave him.

"And we can put two and two together," said James.

"We know, Remus," said Sirius, quietly. "We know you're a werewolf."

Remus sniffed, scratched his forehead and looked away.

"You think we don't want to hang out with you anymore, don't you?" asked James.

"Well... yeah," said Remus in a little voice.

"Well, we still want to be friends with you," said Sirius kindly.

"You do?" said Remus, looking up into Sirius's face. Sirius was smiling.

"Of course," said Sirius.

"We would never ditch you," said James, almost laughing as he shook his head. "You're our friend, Remus. True friends wouldn't let something like that ruin a friendship."

Remus grinned.

"We want to do something for you, though," added Sirius.

"Like what?" wondered Remus.

"Well," said James, "we've been thinking ... really it was Sirius's idea - apparently he's been thinking about it for a while - aren't werewolves only a danger to humans?"

Remus nodded.

"See, that's what I thought," said Sirius. "I've had this brilliant idea, see, where we, James, Peter and I, learn to become Animagi, because that way we could keep you company at full moon and not be in any danger at all, because we'd be animals."

Remus stared at him in amazement. "You would do that? You'd do that for - for me?"

"Yep," grinned Sirius.

Remus couldn't hide his happiness. He hugged James and then Sirius tightly.

"Thankyou," Remus whispered. "Thankyou."

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**Dear Reviewers** Your reviews are wonderful! Thankyou so very much. : ) 


	6. The Marauders and the Mirror of Erised

This is based in the Marauder's first year.

Please, give me some ideas. When I read back on them they seem to be all Remus or Sirius centred and it's most likely because we never got to know James and I never liked Peter. I plan to do a few 'James asks Lily out' but I've got no ideas for Peter stories so if you've got suggestions they are absolutely welcome.

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**6. The Marauders and the Mirror of Erised**

The boys stood infront of a large mirror. It was very grand, had a golden ornate frame and was as high as the ceiling. James, Sirius, Remus and Peter stood gaping in awe at the wonderful find. Four eleven year old boys out of bed late at night had come across the Mirror of Erised.

"There's writing on it," said Peter, pointing up at the top of the Mirror and squinting.

The boys squinted and read:

_Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi_

"Erised straa ehroo oi tee you be cafroo oi tee on wohsee," said Sirius slowly and stupidly. "Wonder what that means."

"Maybe it's foreign," suggested James.

"Or a dead language!" said Peter excitedly.

"What do you think, Remus?" asked Sirius, turning to Remus.

Remus looked at the words thoughtfully. "I show not your face but your heart's desire," he said.

The others gaped at him.

"And how does it come to that?" asked James.

"You know another language!" said Peter.

Remus turned around and looked at them. "It was just backwards," he said simply.

"Oh," said the others.

"Well, I wonder what it does," said Sirius.

"It's obvious isn't it?" said Remus. "It shows your heart's desire."

"That's pretty awesome," said James. "You go first Peter."

James pushed Peter infront of the Mirror. Peter, short and tubby, stood infront of the Mirror wondering what to expect. He gasped.

"What is it?" asked James.

Peter saw himself. Except he was older, better looking, looked like he weighed less and it wasn't just him. There was loads of people all standing before him, looking up at him like they were worshipping a statue. He didn't recognise anyone in the crowd, they were just unknown faces all looking up at him.

"It's me," said Peter. "But there's other people too, loads of them, just standing there."

"Amazing," said James in wonder. "Lemmie have a go, Pete!"

Peter jumped aside and James positioned himself infront of the Mirror.

"What do you see, James?" asked Sirius.

James's jaw dropped. He was looking at an older version of him, he looked just like his father, tall, thin, messy black hair. Next to him stood a very beautiful, somehow familiar, woman with dark red hair and wonderful emerald coloured eyes. His grown up self had his arm around the woman and she held a baby in her arms, a baby boy it looked to be, who, even though he looked to be very young, had inherrited James's features.

"Lily," breathed James, gaping at the Mirror.

"Lily?" said Sirius, pulling a face. "Evans, you mean?"

"Yeah, it's her," said James, unable to tear his eyes away from the Mirror, "and it's me. We're grown up and there's a kid, a baby boy... and we're wearing rings, we must be married."

"Bizarre," muttered Sirius, shaking his head at this maddness. "Can I have a go, James?"

"Sure," replied James in a dazed voice," go ahead."

James walked away from the Mirror, his face still very dazed. Sirius jumped infront of the Mirror. As Peter and James did, he saw someone else in the Mirror apart from himself. But unlike Peter and James, he wasn't any older. Sirius was just as he was now, and he was standing with another boy who looked alot like him with casually elegant black hair, handsome features and tall for his age, only this boy was younger than him by a couple of years. It was his brother, Regulus, and Sirius and Regulus were standing with their arms around each other's shoulders and they were laughing and smiling like proper brothers do. He and Regulus had never gotten along though.

Sirius pulled an odd, twisted face.

"What's up, Sirius?" asked Remus.

"It's Regulus," said Sirius.

"Your brother?"

"Yeah, but we aren't fighting... we're like proper brothers..." said Sirius, one eyebrow raised. "You have a go, Remus. Go on."

Sirius stepped aside and pulled Remus infront of the Mirror. Remus was eager to see what his heart's desire was. He watched the Mirror hungrily. Nothing happened. He stood and watched and his heart grew more and more disappointed. He just saw himself, in shabby pyjamas and pale skin staring back at him. Remus sighed bitterly and was about to walk from the Mirror when he noticed his reflection turn around and point upwards with a small smile on his face. Remus followed the direction of where his reflection was pointing. A big, round, silvery orb was suspended above him; the full moon. A massive smile formed on Remus's face as he stared at the moon.

"What is it?" chorused his friends.

"I'm normal," said Remus, laughing as he spoke.

"Normal?" they said in confused voices.

"Yes," said Remus, smiling like sunshine, "normal."

The others saw no thrill in this at all, of course, but they didn't know what being normal meant to Remus.

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**Dear Reviewers** I say it all the time, but you guys are wonderful. You make me write better : ) 


	7. Lovely Rita and Lucky Peter

Thankyou to Angel-of-vampires for this idea! I twisted it a little, but I reckon you'll like it. It's still the popular girl and Peter idea.

Musical reference, obviously.

Set in Marauder's fifth year, for the sake of it being set in that year. I like to make similarities in scenes between Harry, Ron and Hermione and the Marauders. I reckon you'll all find this one easily (because it's as easy to pick up as the musical reference).

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7. Lovely Rita and Lucky Peter **

Her long golden hair waved behind her and her large, dark eyes glimmered beautifully as she floated with an air of effortless grace across the Entrance Hall on her slender, perfect legs. Rita O'Donoghue, a seventh year and the most popular and most beautiful girl at Hogwarts, some boys even said she was the most beautiful thing that had ever walked the floors of the Hogwarts castle. When she entered the Entrance Hall after lunch, every single boy turned their heads to stare at Rita's beauty. Rita, however, was completely oblivious to their attention, focussed only on one person there. 

Peter Pettigrew was, as pretty much every girl at Hogwarts agreed on, the most unpopular and the most unattractive boy at Hogwarts. Peter had dawdled out of the Great Hall full from lunch. He stopped to see what everyone was looking at. There she was, the most beautiful, most wonderful, most graceful girl at Hogwarts. Rita was striding right up to him, looking him straight in the eyes. Peter's insides began squirming uncomfortably and he gulped.

"H - h - hi, Rita," stuttered Peter.

"Hi, Peter" Rita said with a smile.

His insides went soaring. She knew his name! Oh what a joy this was!

"H - how are y - you, Rita?" Peter asked her wringing his hands nervously.

"I'm great!" replied Rita. "Actually, Peter, I was going to ask if you wanted to go out with me."

Peter made a funny strangling noise and stuttered something. Rita waited patiently.

"Y - yes," Peter finally managed to say.

Rita smile breathlessly. "Cool," she said, "I'll see you in class then." And she turned away and walked back down the Hall.

Everybody's jaw had dropped and all eyes were now on Peter who stood there wondering if that had just happened.

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_Earlier that day_

Sirius observed himself in the bathroom mirror.

"Is anyone going to tell me what we're doing in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom with a cauldron of Polyjuice Potion and why on earth Padfoot is wearing girl's Hufflepuff robes?" Remus stared from James to Sirius. "Are you wearing _heels_?"

"They do wonders for my legs," said Sirius pulling back the robes to reveal one of his legs.

Remus slapped a hand to his forehead. "Dear God," he said turning away.

"Is it ready yet, Prongs?" Sirius asked James, now strutting around the bathroom in a very feminine manner.

"Yeah, we just need to add her hair now," James said.

"Her hair? Whose hair?" Remus asked. "What the hell is going on?"

"We told you before, Moony," said Sirius with a hand on his hip and the other waving about, "We're playing a joke on Wormtail. He's going to think Rita O'Donoghue had asked him out."

"That's pretty cruel," said Remus.

"It's all for a laugh," said James.

"See, we're using Polyjuice - "

"If you're using Polyjuice then how're you gonna get Rita's DNA?" asked Remus.

"Moony, I have been voted by the girls of Hogwarts as the hottest boy in the school. I even beat you two," said Sirius. "It's obvious how I got some of her hair - I snogged her and did a run for it." He waved a test tube with several long golden hairs in it.

"I was voted for?" said Remus, completely ignoring the second remark, highly interested in the first.

"Yeah, you got second - "

"He beat _me_?" asked James.

"By like one vote," said Sirius. He looked James and Remus up and down. "I can understand why."

Remus and James gave each other looks that clearly showed disturbance.

Sirius was now ladling Potion into a goblet.

"Remember you don't need much," James reminded him.

"Yeah, yeah," said Sirius. He dropped the long golden hairs into the flask and the Potion turned a pretty pearlescent white. "Cheers!" said Sirius, and he took a mouthful of Potion. Sirius's features began to change, his hair went lighter and grew down his back and his body became more shapely and curvy. "Wow," said Sirius admiring Rita's body, batting his eyelashes and pouting his lips, "she's got a pretty good body." Sirius turned to James and Remus and said "how do I look boys?"

"Like Rita," said Remus obviously. "But her legs are so much better."

Sirius looked offended. James high-fived Remus.

"I'll have you know, Moony, that my legs are damn fine," said Sirius with his hands on his hips. All three of them laughed.

"Hey, Padfoot, lunch is almost over," said James who had just checked his watch. "You better get going."

"Right," said Sirius. He took one last look at himself in the mirror. "See you later boys!" he said and strutted out of the bathroom.

"Damn," said James after Sirius had strutted out of the bathroom.

"James!"

"Hey! Technically it's _Rita's_ body," said James defensively.

Remus peered out the bathroom door to see Sirius as Rita striding down the corridor with an effortless air of grace. "Damn," he agreed.

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_At Dinner_

Everything was back to normal. Except maybe Sirius who still had an odd habbit of flinging his head around thinking that a sheet of golden hair was going to flow about his shoulders. And Peter who seemed to be bouncing up and down uncontrollably on the spot where he sat.

"For God's sake Wormtail," said James, shifting down the bench a little. "What on earth has gotten into you?"

"R - r - r - r - r... " Peter stuttered, staring into nothing dazedly.

"Rita?" offered Remus absent mindedly. He was attacking his steak and cut it open. "Medium rare _again_," he muttered angriliy, "they _know_ I like it _very_ rare."

"Rita," repeated Peter dreamily.

"What about Rita?" asked Sirius, who seemed to be the only one interested in the conversation.

"She - she asked me out," said Peter, still dazed.

James snorted and Sirius tried not to laugh.

"Oh really now?" asked Sirius, trying not to sound surprised and to keep a straight face.

"Yes," said Peter, "after lunch."

"I don't believe it," said James with a smirk.

"Oh you should," said Peter, nodding. "Everyone saw it."

"Prove it," said Sirius. "She's right behind you, talk to her."

Peter sat up straighter and turned around quickly, sure enough seeing that beautiful sheet of golden hair. He stared at the back of Rita's head breathlessly.

"Well go on then," urged Sirius.

Peter extended a stubby finger and tapped Rita's shoulder. She turned around.

"Yes?" she said.

"Hi, Rita," said Peter.

A very confused look crossed Rita's face as she looked at Peter. She turned to her friend beside her and whispered something. They both shrugged.

"I don't think I know you," said Rita.

Peter looked confused. Hadn't she known his name that afternoon? "It's me, Peter."

Rita raised an eyebrow. "I don't know you."

"But - !" Peter started, but Rita had already turned away and was chatting with her friends again.

Peter sat opening and closing his mouth while he turned back to his friends, who's faces seemed steady (even though they all had muscles twitching in the corners of their mouths).

"Suppose I was dreaming," Peter said gloomily. "But it seemed so real..."

"Better luck next time, Peter," said James patting him on the back. "Still, you've always got us. And our legs are almost as good as hers."

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Hope you enjoyed that! I'm pretty sure Rita will make a few more appearances. 


	8. The Marauders Play Scrabble

Well, why not? This has to be the most pointless one shot but I find the idea of the boys playing Scrabble amusing. It doesn't go anywhere really.

Mind you, these one shots are just a side project to my other story, so they really don't need to be all that great, haha.

Yes, I used an online dictionary to find the most random word.

**Dearest Reviewers** I loved your reviews of the last chapter. I'm glad you enjoyed it : ) Yes, Sirius is a very amusing character and I really couldn't resist putting him in a situation which included Polyjuice and women's clothes and heels.

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**8. The Marauder's Play Scrabble**

A clutter of little white tiles with black letters on them sat in a small pile next to a board where a few of these tiles were arranged in a more organised matter. Words were made out of these tiles - well _some_ were words. An 'x' tile flew across the board and hit Peter.

"You can't just make up words, Wormtail!" argued Sirius, picking up the tiles Peter had just put down on the board spelling out YUXOP.

"I'm not making up words!" Peter argued back, throwing a 'q' tile at Sirius, the previously thrown 'x' tile following afterwoods. "And stop giving me your useless tiles!"

"Shut up!" Remus said loudly. "It's my go and you lot are making it difficult for me to think... hang on, what letter did you just throw at Padfoot, Peter?"

"Q," replied Peter, "and X."

"Give it here," said Remus, grabbing the tile from Sirius's little letter stand.

"Hey!"

"Oh shut up, Sirius, you weren't going to use it," Remus said as he arranged the letters on the board so it crossed the word CABOOSE.

"You can't make up words either, Moony!" said James, pointing at Remus's newly arranged word. "Just because you're smart doesn't mean you can fool us by making up words."

"I didn't make it up, it is a word!"

"What? Xebec? It's not a word, it doesn't even _look_ like a word. You're spell-check quill is running out, Moony," said Sirius, attempting to remove the letters but was stopped by a hard thump on the arm from Remus.

"I can't even spell and I know it's not a word," added Peter as if that would settle the argument.

"It _is_ a word," said Remus, finding five more tiles and putting them on his letter stand. "And I don't _use_ spell-check quills, I give them to Peter for Christmas _every_ year."

"Well what is it then?" asked James. "And I think you better re-consider what brand of spell-check quills you get for Peter because he's still really bad at spelling."

"It is an ancient pirate ship with three masts that was used in the Mediterranean," said Remus casually. "And I'll take you're advice into account, and Peter I really think you should stop relying on spell-check quills all the time, you know how they malfunction sometimes."

"K, Remus," said Peter gloomily, flicking a blank tile across the floor. "But you know I'm not good, they really do help, you know."

"So how do you know these things anyway, Moony?" asked Sirius, curious to know as to why Remus was always coming up with random unexplained facts.

"I just do. I just pick these things up, I like to visit muggle libraries in my summer holidays sometimes," said Remus.

"Well that's something we didn't know," James said, placing tiles on the board that spelt TREE.

"Well that's all my secrets out," said Remus, "every last one of them."

Sirius snorted. "I highly doubt that."

* * *

I didn't enjoy writing that one. I don't think it went anywhere. But thanks for reading anyway! 


	9. A Very Maraudery Christmas

**'Tis the season!** I thought a Christmas themed tale was appropiate for this time of year. Involves presents, Howlers, giant candy canes, snow, forts, dungbombs, mistletoe, Rita, a food fight and Remus getting hit in the face alot and all the other essentials for an amusing fun-filled Maraudery Christmas! It's going to be a very long one shot, infact I don't even think it will be a one shot because it's so long, just many events that managed to happen in the one day (which is possible because they're the Marauders and anything is possible with them).

I change my mind. This isn't a one shot at all.

Set in their third year for the sake of it, and quite obviously on Christmas day.

**SunnyGirlTheSunster **I am working on the boys' first prank on Dumbledore, incase you're wondering.

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9. A Very Maraudery Christmas**

Remus, Sirius and Peter were all snoring loudly. James, on the other hand, had just been to the bathroom and was now marching back up the spiral staircase belting out Christmas carols. Only, James couldn't sing. It was more of an attempted melodic yelled wail sort of sound. Had there been anyone else except for Remus, Sirius and Peter in the entire Gryffindor common room, James's popularity would have dropped dramatically.

"What the ruddy hell is that?" grunted Sirius as he sat up.

"Is it a ghoul? Are there any ghouls in the Gryffindor common room?" asked Peter, rubbing his eyes grumpily. "It sounds like a ghoul."

"No," yawned Remus, "I don't think it's a ghoul. Ghouls don't sound that bad."

"I've heard this noise before," Sirius said in a hollow voice.

"Oh not again. It isn't, is it?" Remus said in an equally hollow voice.

"It's James singing Christmas carols," Peter said in the same hollow voice as the others.

The three boys groaned as the door of the dormitory flew open and James burst in, still yelling loudly. He had a broad grin across his face.

"Merry Christmas, you lot!" he said cheerfully, chucking a present at each of them. Remus's present hit him square in the face and he fell back on his pillow with a soft flump.

"James, you killed Remus!" cried Peter, his arms waving about frantically as he scrambled out of his bed and over to Remus's.

"I forgot his present was pretty heavy," said James, scratching his head and peering over at Remus's bed.

"No, I don't think he's dead, Pete," said Sirius who had jumped over to the other side of the bed and had two of his fingers placed on Remus's neck. "There's a pulse. Oi, Remus! Still here mate?!" he shouted at Remus.

There was a groan and Remus opened his eyes dizzily.

"See, I didn't kill him," said James. "You alright, Remus?"

Remus rubbed his head and sat up and looked over to James.

"Yeah, wonderful," Remus said sarcastically. "Merry Christmas to you too."

Remus lobbed a present at James, who caught it skillfully and grinned.

"Thanks, mate."

James's present to Remus turned out to be a book. _Hogwarts: A History_ to be exact; quite possibly the biggest, most heaviest book there was to buy. Remus loved _Hogwarts: A History_, it was his favourite book and he borrowed it from the library twice a month, however, it was hard to feel the same way after being knocked out by it first thing Christmas morning. Remus found from then on that he occasionally got a headache whenever he read the book.

Peter and Sirius were busy tearing the wrapping paper off their presents excitedly. Both were more entertained with throwing the paper at each other, however they still seemed happy with their gifts. Peter was munching on a chocolate frog from a box that James had given to him, and looking at all his other gifts; a Remembrall from his parents, a collection of comic books from Sirius and three spell-check quills from Remus. Sirius had received a stylish necklace from James, a tub of hair gel which was "highly recommended for ultimate style by the Weird Sisters" from Peter, a box of Zonko's products from Remus (who was a little reluctant to give the box to Sirius in fear he may use them up all within a space of twenty-four hours), and, much to his dislike, a 'Merry Christmas you family traitoring good-for-nothing son' Howler from his mother, father and brother.

"DEAR SIRIUS!" it said loudly in his mother's voice, which sounded uncharacteristically nice. "MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU MUD-BLOOD LOVING, GOOD-FOR-NOTHING CHILD!" his mother's voice came again, now sounding much more like her as it screamed horribly.

"YOU TRAITOR TO THE BLACK FAMILY, YOU BRING SHAME ON US ALL, BEING IN GRYFFINDOR!" his father's voice bellowed.

"YOU AREN'T THAT GREAT OF A BROTHER!" said his brother's voice loudly, but unable to mask the guilt which resided in it.

The letter stopped screaming abruptly and burnt into flames and the ashes fell to the floor.

"How pleasant," said Remus sarcastically.

"Bloody Regulus, always has to have his say," muttered Sirius. "Still," he said more brightly, "it wasn't as bad as last years."

The boys finished unwrapping their presents and got dressed. When they entered the Great Hall for Christmas lunch they found that only fourteen places had been set at the one table. A few teachers, including McGonagall, Slughorn, Sprout, Flitwick, Kettleburn and the Muggle Studies teacher who the boys didn't know, and three other students, including a pair of sixth-year Ravenclaw twins and the beautiful fifth-year Rita O'Donoghue, were already sitting at the table. The boys sat down at the end of the table.

"Merry Christmas, boys!" Professor Flitwick squeaked merrily.

"How are you today?" asked Professor Sprout.

"Apart from Remus's near-death experience, we're great!" James said happily.

"Remus's near-death experience?" Professor McGonagall said in a shocked voice.

"Oh James just threw a copy of _Hogwarts: A History_ at his head, but he's okay now, aren't you, Remus?" said Peter.

Remus nodded vaugely. He still had a nasty headache.

"Now that, my dear friends, is something I recommend you don't do," said a voice from behind.

Dumbledore had entered the Great Hall. He was decked out in robes of bright red and a matching hat.

"Santa!" cried Peter and Dumbledore seated himself at the head of the table.

"It's Dumbledore you idiot," whispered one of the Ravenclaw twins.

Dumbledore chuckled.

"Thankyou, Peter, but I really don't think I'm as big as Mr Claus. However, there's quite alot of Christmas lunch to be eaten, I may resemble Father Christmas by the end of it."

Everyone at the table laughed and helped themselves to lunch. Towards the end of lunch though, Sirius grew bored. Everyone had almost finished their puddings and there were still jugs of custard and mounds of icecream sitting, un-touched, on the table. Sirius twirled a golden spoon in his hands and observed the left-over food. 'There's nowhere else for the food to go so why not have some fun?' he thought. Sirius got a spoonful of custard and flung it at James, who was sitting across from him. The custard hit James and splattered all through his hair.

"Mr Black!" said an outraged Professor McGonagall.

James, however, had already taken hold of his spoon and put on his 'battle face'. He dug his spoon into a bowl of strawberry icecream and launched it over the table towards Sirius. Only it didn't hit its target. It hit Peter.

"Mr Potter!" Professor McGonagall said, more outraged.

Peter, who had been enjoying his third helping of Christmas pudding, wiped the icecream away from his eyes and picked up the remainder of his pudding and threw it across the table. The pudding tumbled spectacularly through the air, hit Remus square in the face and bounced back off and landed in Remus's bowl of custard which splattered all over his front.

"Mr Pettigrew!" Professor McGonagall said outrageously, now looking frazzled. "Really now, this is no way for you to behave!"

Remus looked down at his custard splattered shirt and sighed. He removed the pudding from the bowl in a very dainty, unRemus-like manner, picked up the bowl of custard and dumped it right on top of James's head.

"Mr Lupin! I expected better of you!" said Professor McGonagall, now very stressed. But no one was listening.

Food was flying from all directions and hit everyone. There was a wild rucus as everyone, teachers included (which the exception of McGonagall and Dumbledore), launched handfuls of icecream and spoonfuls of custard across the table. No one seemed to care that they were covered in dessert. James had grabbed a rather large handful of vanilla icecream and tossed it down the table. It seemed to fly in slow motion. It hit Professor McGonagall right in the face. The food fight stopped instantly, everyone paused in their positions with icecream melting in their fists. All eyes were on McGonagall, fearing an angry burst of shouting.

McGonagall wiped the coating of icecream away from her glasses looking positively shocked.

Dumbldore, who had been pleasantly enjoying his pudding and managed not to get a speck of food on him, chuckled heartily.

"I think," he said, "lunch should end here. Do you agree, Minerva?"

McGonagall said nothing.

"Yes, I think so," said Dumbledore, smiling. "Off you go, everybody. Go outside and enjoy the snow. Merry Christmas!" he said brightly.

James, Sirius, Remus and Peter scooted out of the Great Hall. When they reached the Entrance Hall they burst into a fit of laughter. All four of them were soaked with custard from head to toe.

"Oh my God, did you see her face?" laughed Peter, wiping custard from his brow.

"I thought I was done for!" said James.

"Man, she was _so_ ticked off," said Sirius, shaking his entire body like a dog which caused drops of custard to fly about the Entrance Hall.

"I can't believe she didn't say anything," said Remus.

They all laughed.

"I need a shower," James announced, the others nodding in agreement.

Peter was the first to finish his shower, the others were still washing their hair, James was belting out more Christmas carols. Peter got dressed and slunk out of the bathroom and away from James's horrible singing. He strolled only a few paces down the corridor when he came face to face with the beautiful Rita O'Donoghue, still very pretty even though she was dripping with custard.

"Oh, hi," Rita said, surprised.

"H-hi, Rita," said Peter. "Um... still... custardy..."

Rita laughed lightly. "Yes," she said, "but it was pretty fun. McGonagall, she looked absolutely mad."

"Yeah," said Peter, hanging onto Rita's every word.

There was a moments pause, then Rita asked "so what's your name, anyway? I've never seen you around."

"Peter Pettigrew," Peter replied quietly.

"Peter," Rita repeated, "well it was nice meeting you, Peter. Merry Christmas."

Rita smiled at him and Peter blushed and, for no reason in particular, looked up at the ceiling. There was a small bunch of mistletoe hanging directly above them. They looked back at each other.

"No," said Rita firmly. She wasn't smiling anymore.

Peter looked down at his feet sadly.

"I won't," Rita said, shaking her head.

Peter sighed.

"Fine," said Rita sourly.

Peter looked up quickly and Rita's lips touched his for the briefest of a nanosecond.

"If you _ever_ tell _anybody_," she said, her face menacing and her long finger jabbing him in his chest, "_anybody, I will personally kill you_."

Peter nodded timidly and Rita turned on her heel and walked away, leaving custardy footprints behind her. As soon as Rita had disappeared around the corner, Peter felt a hard slap on his shoulders and was bowled over by a heavy force, that heavy force being James, Sirius and Remus.

"Rita O'Donoghue! Merlin, Peter!" said Sirius.

"Peter and Rita under the mistletoe!" teased Remus.

Peter pushed his friends off him with a big effort and stood up.

"You saw?!" he cried. "You saw?!"

"Well of course," said James, holding up his Invisibility Cloak. "We never go anywhere without it."

"But you heard what she said! She said she'll kill me if I tell anyone!" Peter said, glancing around behind him as though Rita may have been there.

"Well, technically you didn't _tell_ us," said Remus with a grin, "we just know."

"Yeah, but - " said Peter.

"How was it?" interrupted Sirius.

Peter thought for a moment.

"Custardy," said Peter.

James, Sirius and Remus all burst out laughing.

"Peter, Peter, Peter," said James, shaking his head and making 'tut, tut' sounds.

"What?"

"Nothing," said James. "Come on, let's go find something to do."

Ten minutes later, in a random hall way, Sirius had four normal-sized candy canes in his hand. They were particularly nice looking candy canes too, with bright, gleaming red and white stripes and a strong, minty scent. Peter eyed the candy canes.

"Are we going to eat those?" he asked hopefully.

"Nope," said Sirius, who now had his wand in his other hand.

"Then what are we doing?"

"Watch," said Sirius. He was prodding the candy canes with his wand and was muttering something. The candy canes began to grow and Sirius dropped them to the floor and continued to prod them until each one was roughly the same size as a sword.

"Cool!" James and Peter said together.

Sirius picked up one of the giant candy canes and swung it about infront of him like a sword. Poor Remus managed to be in the way of Sirius's swing and copped a smack in the face from the giant, minty candy cane. He didn't fall over but he did stumble a few paces back. Sirius lowered the candy cane. Peter and James watched Remus stumble about.

"Ooh, Remus, mater, sorry 'bout that," Sirius appologised with a grimace.

Remus tottered about unevenly infront of them, holding his head. He teetered to one side and was about to topple over. Sirius caught him with the hook of the candy cane and Remus jumped.

"You okay, Remus?" asked James.

"Yeah, yeah, fine," Remus replied in an airy voice. "Fine..."

"That's the spirit!" said Sirius, giving Remus a rough pat on the back before taking up his candy cane sword once more.

Remus hadn't been very fond of candy canes from then on.

James and Peter had raised their candy canes in a sword like manner and all three of them began to hit each other with the oversized candy canes. Remus backed away against a wall. He was slightly paranoid by now that anything could hit him in the face at any moment. He'd already been hit in the face with _Hogwarts: A History_, a Christmas pudding and a giant candy cane, what else was there left to hit him?

Sirius, James and Peter resumed their furious candy cane battle. Tiny shards of candy cane were sent flying and stuck to the surrounding walls.

A horrible cackle was heard from around the corner and Peeves bobbed into the hallway in which the candy cane battle was taking place. Remus must have been the only one to notice because the others had payed attention when the poltergeist picked up the last giant candy cane. Remus dashed out of sight and a minute later his friends, who were being prodded in their backs with a giant candy cane, followed on behind him. The chase kept up for about fifteen minutes and led through three levels of the castle before Peeves finally grew bored and tossed the candy cane out a third story window and blew a loud raspberry at them before zooming off to look for more havoc to wreak.

Remus, Sirius and James collapsed onto the cold floor to catch their breath. Peter had walked over to the window to see where the candy cane had landed. Down below, on the cold, white snow, the giant candy cane lay. Peter walked back over to his friends and sat down and rubbed his back.

"The snow looks good," he said.

"Does it? It should because it was snowing all night last night," said Remus.

"Yeah," said Peter, "how about we have a snowball fight this afternoon?"

"How about we have one now?" suggested Sirius.

"Brilliant idea," said James.

As the boys stood up and made their way into the grounds they discussed teams.

"I want to be on Sirius's team," said Peter.

"Nope," said Sirius.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm with Remus," said Sirius.

"You're what now?" said Remus, feeling worried.

"You're on my team," said Sirius.

"Why?"

"Because I said so."

"So does that mean I'm with Peter?" asked James.

"Suppose so, there's no one else," Sirius said with a shrug. "Pete's not that bad, James."

"I'm not?"

"Of course not. So you'll go with James?"

"Sure."

"I still don't see why Peter just can't be on Remus's team and I go with you."

"Why does everyone want to be on my team?"

"I don't."

"Tough luck, Remus, you are."

A chilly gust of wind bit at them as they ventured out into the freezing grounds, the pure white snow crunching underneath their feet as they chased each other around. The boys split into their teams and Sirius hauled Remus off away from James and Peter to discuss their game plan.

"Ow! Sirius, you're hurting me! Ow! Let go!"

Remus wrenched his arm from Sirius's grip.

"Sorry, mate," Sirius appologised. "We can't have that arm hurt can we? Atleast, not until this is over."

"No, no we cannot hurt my arm," Remus said, rubbing his arm. "Infact, even after this is over we still aren't going to hurt my arm."

"I'm not going to make any promises," said Sirius. "Anyway, that's not what this is about."

"Too right," Remus agreed. "And I still want to know why you insisted I be on your team."

"Ah, Remus, my friend," said Sirius, putting his arm around Remus's shoulders and looking off into the distance nostalgically. "A very good question. You see, I wanted you to be on my team because I wanted you to see me get full use out of the Christmas present you gave me and you not to have be on the receiving side of it."

"Christmas present?" said Remus, mildy confused. It was only right to have a mildly confused memory when you'd be knocked about in the head continually all day.

"Yes, my Christmas present," Sirius repeated.

"What did I give you again?"

"I believe it was about thirty Dungbombs, some Garroting Gas, a bottle of invisible ink and a Fanged Frisbee," Sirius said, counting all the items off with his fingers.

"Oh yes, the Zonko's stuff... right..." Remus said remembering clearly how reluctant he was to give them to Sirius. "So what use are any of those in a snowball war?"

"Remus, you have a lot to learn in the world of mischief making. Our item of choice today is Dungbombs," Sirius said wisely, holding up a small, grey roundish object. "Now you see this here? This is a Dungbomb. The only purpose of a Dungbomb is to throw it at the enemy and stink up the place."

"Sirius, I'm aware of what a Dungbomb is," Remus said, feeling his intelligence was being insulted. "What I want to know is why they have a use in a snowball fight."

"I was getting to that," Sirius contintued, nodding patiently. "You see this snow here - ?"

"Sirius, I'm not an idiot - "

"I know, Remus, I know. I wasn't saying you were. But anyway, the snow and the Dungbombs. This Dungbomb is small enough to roll up into a snowball - "

"Good God you are a genius, Sirius."

"You know, Remus, I can't tell whether that was sarcasmn or not."

"Neither can I," Remus said admittedly. "But I can see what you're getting at."

"Catching on?"

"We make snowballs with the Dungbombs inside and throw them at James and Peter?"

"Exactly."

Sirius and Remus set to work rolling up Dungbombs inside snowballs.

Meanwhile, across the snowy way, James and Peter discussed tactics.

"Okay, Peter, what we should do is make a fort - " James was saying.

"I should set to work rolling snowballs - " Peter cut through.

"No, we build a fort - "James continued.

"No, _you_ build a fort and _I_ roll snowballs - " Peter said insistently.

"We need two people to build the fort so it gets done quicker - " James went on.

"We need someone to build the fort while someone else makes the supply of snowballs and then both jobs are done at the same time," Peter said firmly.

James stopped cutting through and had a thoughtful look on his face.

"It's more efficient that way, James," Peter continued.

"I didn't think of it that way..." James said. "You know your stuff, Pete."

"I do," said Peter, throwing his shoulders back. "So what I want you to do is to make a fort, nothing too fancy, just a wall around us. I'll make a supply of snowballs plus a larger one which will be our 'big' finale."

"That's a brilliant plan, Peter," James said in amazement.

"Thankyou, James," said Peter.

"One problem."

"Oh?"

"The giant snowball."

"What about it?"

"How are we gonna lift it?"

Peter paused. That was a good question.

"We'll deal with that when we come to it," Peter concluded.

"I think we should plan it now so we don't have to wait when we get to it," James said.

"Then what do you think we should do?"

James thought for a moment.

"Accio," James said eventually.

"James, that's brilliant!"

"Yes, I know," James said smugly.

"Right, let's get to work."

And so James began to build a fort, which resembled a pile of snow infront of him and Peter, and Peter began to roll up a massive beachball sized snowball.

After each of the teams had begun their preparations, James and Sirius met at halfway, shook hands for a fair battle, then declared war on each other and scurried back to their teams.

"Battle!" cried Sirius.

Sirius and Remus began launching snowballs at James and Peter. Peter had dashed and hid behind the fort while James stood proudly infront of it copping the snowballs right in the face. It was only after about the fifth snowball did James realise there was a bad smell wafting up from the snow.

"Oh, Merlin, James! Couldn't you have held that in until _after_ this?" asked Peter, his head appearing above the fort pinching his nose.

"It wasn't me!" James said defensively. "They must have put something in those snowballs!"

"It's horrible! Oh God - !" Peter was hit in the face with a smelly snowball. "Yuck! Yuck yuck yuck!"

"Bullseye!" shouted Sirius. "Brilliant aim, Remus! Keep 'em coming!"

Remus lanuched another snowball, which missed James and Peter completely.

"Oi! What's with the bad shot? You just wasted one!"

"Oh I wasn't aiming for them," Remus replied sneakily with a laugh.

Peter had come running out from behind the fort, his arms waving about wildly.

"The fort!" he cried. "The fort! They've stunk out the fort!"

"That's it Remus! You've asked for it!" James called out. James took a deep breath and dashed behind the fort, his wand aloft. He appeared a second later with a giant beach-ball sized ball of snow floating at shoulder height infront of him. He had a wide smile on his face.

"Remus, now is the time I'm thinking we should have thought about building a fort," Sirius muttered to Remus, who had his back to him and was retrieving more snowballs. "For your safety, I'm thinking..."

Remus wasn't listening.

"Remus..."

Didn't hear him.

"Remus..."

Still not hearing him.

"Remus!" Sirius bellowed.

Remus turned around with a mild look on his face.

However, it was all too late. The second Remus had turned around a giant snowball had hit him right in his mild looking face. Naturally, Remus fell back onto the freezing ground beneath him. After having a copy of _Hogwarts: A History_, a Christmas pudding, a giant candy cane and now a giant snowball, thrown at his head, well yes of course he was going to fall back into a state of unconsciousness. So of course he didn't remember lying in the snow while James, Sirius and Peter moved around his arms and legs and caused him to create a forced snow angel, and of course he didn't remember being carried up to the Gryffindor common room by James and Sirius with Peter scurrying next to them, only to be stopped on their way by Professor McGonagall wanting to know what they were doing and why Remus was unconscious, and of course he didn't remember being accidentaly dropped when James and Sirius tried to explain everything, and of course he didn't remember having actually been in the Hospital Wing for five minutes before James, Sirius and Peter snuck him out again, and of course he didn't remember the others carrying him while being chased by Madam Pomfrey, and of course he didn't remember being hauled up the dormitory steps and dropped into his bed.

"Wheremi?"

Remus had woken.

"Remus! Ah well I'm glad your're awake," said James.

"James thought he'd killed you," Sirius said with a grim nod.

"I did not!"

"You did too!" said Peter. "You were all worried and everything - "

"And you two weren't?" Remus mumbled , rubbing his head.

"Oh of course we were worried," Sirius said hastily.

"Yes, yes we were!" Peter added.

"Glad to hear it," Remus mumbled.

"Anyway, it's like midnight now," James said.

"What the hell? Midnight? Merlin," said Remus before falling back on his pillow with a soft 'flump'.

Sirius peered over at Remus, who was snoring softly.

"Aaaaaand he's alseep," Sirius said.

"You owe me a sickle," Peter said to James.

"He was awake for more than two minutes, though!" James said.

"No, it was a minute and a half," Peter corrected him. "You owe me a sickle, pay up."

James shoved a small piece of silver into Peter's outstretched hand. Peter grinned.

"You know," said Sirius slowly, still peering over at Remus. "I think we should write to Mr and Mrs Lupin and tell him they should take take their son home for Christmas next year... you know, incase we kill him or something..."

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Okay, I got lazy towards the end. But who cares? It was pretty good anyway. And Rita was actually sort of nice in this one.

I don't normally ask for reviews, but I would atleast like to get five reviews for this chapter. It kind of deserves them. So knock yourself out reviewing (and yes, I am fully aware that that was a lame joke)!


	10. Remus Breaks the Rules

_SunnyGirlTheSunster_, the prank will be the next chapter. I promise you. It is almost done!

**Dearest Reviewers** The reviews on A Very Maraudery Christmas were amazing! Gosh, thankyou, thankyou, thankyou so much. Bertie Bott's for all! You are such wonderful people.

**ALERT**: Animal cruelty in this fic. But it's only Mrs Norris. And I always thought she was an Animagus for some reason. Really, I did.

It's another Remus-y centred fic. I wrote this just to keep the story going while I work on the prank on Dumbledore.

Anyway, enjoy!

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**Remus Breaks the Rules**

There was a loud snore, a squeaky wince and a strangled choke. James, Peter and Remus all shoved the pillows off their faces and glared at Sirius, who was grinning back at them.

"It's one in the morning," said James angrily through gritted teeth.

"It isn't even a proper time," said Peter, pelting the pillow back at Sirius, who punched it away carelessly.

"I'm sleep deprived!" said Remus incredulously.

Sirius just laughed and began rummaging through James's trunk looking for something.

"Oi!" siad James, pushing back the covers and getting out of bed. "Get out of my trunk! What do you think you're doing, Padfoot?"

"Invisibility Cloak," Sirius said simply.

"And why do you need my Cloak?" asked James, crossing his arms.

"Well, we're going out aren't we?" said Sirius, now folding the silvery Cloak over his arm.

"When did we decide on this?" asked Peter grumpily.

"Didn't," said Sirius, now checking the drawers of all their bedside tables. "Which one of you's had the Map?"

"Me," said Remus, "it's in the top drawer. And why are we going out, Sirius?"

"Because I'm hungry," said Sirius, sorting through the neatly arranged top drawer of Remus's bedside table.

"At this hour?" said Remus, hopping out of bed to help find the Map so Sirius didn't mess up his drawer. "I think we should cut the house elves some slack. They need sleep too you know."

"We aren't going to the kitchens," said Sirius, who had just found the Marauder's Map. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," he recited, tapping the Map with his wand.

"Then where the hell are we going?" asked Peter.

"Honeyduke's," said Sirius, checking out the Map.

"But we can't take their food," said Remus, appalled by the idea. "It's stealing!"

"I'll leave money," said Sirius, jangling a bag of coins in his hand.

"Well," said James, "I know it's early, but I'm coming. Sounds like fun. We haven't been out in a while."

"Yeah, me too," said Peter, jumping out of bed and wrapping himself in a jacket. "Since I'm already awake... I'm kind of hungry too..."

"Great!" said Sirius, clapping his hands. "And what about you, Moony?" he asked, turning to face Remus.

A little crease formed between Remus's eyebrows.

"I'm a prefect," he said, "I can't go sneaking out of the castle at this hour. And technically I shouldn't be letting you three either."

"Oh lighten up, Moony," said Peter, "it'll be fun."

The crease between Remus's eyebrows eased a little. Sirius grinned.

"Can I tempt you with a chocolate bar? Come on, Moony, we know how much you love Honeyduke's dark chocolate," said Sirius innocently.

"'K I'm in," said Remus instantly, grinning back.

"That's the spirit mate," said Sirius, clapping Remus on the back.

"Pete," said James, "the Cloak isn't big enough for the four of us so you're gonna have to transform."

"Ok," said Peter, turning into a rat. James picked him up and put him in his pocket.

Sirius threw the Cloak over the three of them and Peter the rat, and tapped the Map so it cleared itself. They walked out of the Gyffindor Tower and made their way to the statue of the One-Eyed Witch. Two big yellow eyes appeared at the end of the corridor.

"Mrs Norris," hissed James. Peter gave a little squirm in his pocket.

"Damnit," hissed Sirius.

"Bloody hell," breather Remus as the cat stalked up the hall towards them.

"Merlin, I want to kick her to Australia," whispered James.

"Same here," muttered Sirius.

"I normally hate cruelty to animals," whispered Remus, "but this cat has almost gotten all of us suspended atleast fifty time, I swear."

"Oh you never swear," James muttered under his breath, the other two didn't hear him.

The cat came closer, almost glaring at them as if daring them to move.

"Please let me kick her," James begged.

Sirius had to resist the urge to laugh out loud, but he held James back.

"Well if you're not going to," muttered Remus. He swung his leg back and aimed a kick at Mrs Norris. The cat flew back a few inches, hissed and ran off to look for Filch.

"Gosh, Mr Prefect," said Sirius as the two books turned to look at Remus under the Cloak in complete surprise.

"Well she deserved it," said Remus. "Plus, that chocolate bar was looking mighty fine and there was no way I was letting some stupid cat get in the way when I've already gotten out of bed and started lurking about the castle."

All three of them laughed as they made their way into Honeydukes.

* * *

**NEXT CHAPTER:** Happy Birthday Dumbledore!


	11. Happy Birthday Dumbledore!

For _SunnyGirlTheSunster_, who waited ever so patiently for this. Thanking you for the idea. I had so much fun with this.

Marauders first year.

I hope you enjoy it!

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**Happy Birthday Dumbledore!**

"Are we skipping class again?"

"No, Remus, we're just not going to History of Magic. We're not missing out on anything if that's what you're worrying about."

"But, Sirius, we can't get caught again. Remember the last time?" said Remus earnestly.

"Haha, yeah, good times. But honestly, Binns wont even know we're not there. I don't think he even knows that he's dead," Sirius said with a laugh. "Turn here."

Sirius, Remus, James and Peter turned abruptly into a deserted hallway where a large, stone gargoyle stood all the way down the end.

"We're here," Sirius announced, coming to a halt.

"Dumbledore's office?" said Remus, scratching his head.

"Yep."

James had now set his bag down on the floor and he and Peter were now pulling things out of it. But there weren't school books or quills or inkwells, or any school things at all for that matter. There were, infact...

"Streamers?" asked Sirius.

"Check," said Peter.

"Confetti?"

"Check," said James.

"Balloons?"

"Check."

"Banner?"

"Check."

"Party hats?"

"Check!" said James and Peter together, jamming brightly coloured party hats on top of their heads.

"Are we throwing a party?" asked Remus as James jammed a lurid green hat on his head.

"You're a smart kid, Remus," said Sirius. "Now help me with the balloons."

Remus watched them curiously for a moment, then shrugged and helped decorate the deserted hallway for this unexplained party. James and Peter tossed confetti around the floor while Remus and Sirius blew up balloons and made them float in bunches that bobbed up and down on the ceiling. Together they all strung streamers across the windows and put a big banner across the end of the hall where the gargoyle sat.

"Why does it say 'Happy 200th Birthday Dumbledore' across it?" Remus asked once they all stood back to admire their work.

"Because," said James, who was now attaching a purple party hat to the very grumpy looking stone gargoyle. "We're throwing a party for Dumbledore!"

"I don't think he's _that _old," said Remus.

They heard footsteps and a quiet muttering coming from another direction.

"Quick, hide!" whispered Sirius, darting around a corner and out of sight. The others hurtled after him and they all peered around the corner as Filch the Caretaker stumped up the hall. The footsteps stopped and Filch howled.

"Ohh I'm going to get them this time. It's them, oh it's them alright, my sweet," Filch was obviously talking to Mrs Norris, his cat. "Come on, we're going to fetch the Headmaster, then we'll see what happens to them, won't we, my sweet?"

Filch lurched off quickly to look for Dumbledore, Mrs Norris streaking after him meowing importantly.

James had burst into a fit of silent laughter and was rolling about on the floor clutching his side. Peter looked absolutely petrified as he gnawed on whatever was left of his fingernails. Remus looked thoroughly distrubed by the way Filch had spoken to his cat. Sirius had poked his head around the corner in eager anticipation. This was obviously what he had planned to happen.

Moments later Filch was heard stumping back up the hallway growling complaints to another person. Quiet footsteps were heard quite as clearly as Filch's angry, clunky ones. Both footsteps grew louder and they stopped suddenly.

"See, Professor," said Filch, "see what they've done! Offensive, that is. Made a mess of the hallway, they did."

"What a wonderful surprise," Dumbledore said pleasantly to Filch. "Someone obviously went to a lot of trouble to put this all together..."

"A lot a trouble?" Filch said incredulously. "A lot of trouble for me clean up, you mean! Those boys, they did it, Dumbledore."

"What boys do you mean, Argus?" Dumbledore asked.

"You know what boys I mean! That Potter kid and Black and Pettigrew and Lupin," Filch said wildly.

"Mr Potter? I should hardly think he would do anything like this," said Dumbledore, "and Mr Lupin is a pleasant child. I highly doubt he'd ever be involved in such a thing."

"And what about the other two?" Filch said.

"Mr Black and Mr Pettigrew? Well, Mr Pettigrew, bless him, wouldn't have done this unless his friends were involved. Mr Black is never seen without Mr Potter and I don't believe Mr Potter was involved in this," Dumbledore said. "You see, Argus. These boys didn't do this."

"So you expect me to just clean it up, do you? Without punishing anyone?"

"Of course not, Argus. I will clean it up myself. However, I do believe Peeves has been throwing apple pies at some most unfortunate fourth years in the Great Hall and there is a great deal of mess on the Ravenclaw table," Dumbledore said, suggesting Filch should leave now.

"Peeves!" roared Filch, and he hurried off to the Great Hall cursing.

A soft sniggering came from around the corner where Sirius, Remus, James and Peter were hidden.

"Now," said Dumbledore happily, "what am I to do?"

He began to hum and he conjured a rather fancy, elaborately decorated, glittery, lilac party hat and placed it on his long, silver hair. James started to roll about on the floor in another fit of roaring laughter. Peter, who was standing just infront of James, was tripped over by James, and he toppled right into Remus, who knocked over Sirius and they all tumbled into the hallway where Dumbledore was standing. Dumbledore turned around and looked at the boys, completely unsurprised.

"Hello, boys," Dumbledore said pleasantly. "Fancy seeing you here."

Sirius, Remus, James and Peter all scrambled to their feet. James's party hat was now covering his left ear.

"Oh, hi Professor Dumbledore sir," said Peter quickly.

"Hello, Peter," Dumbledore said, smiling.

"Uh," was all Remus said. He looked about nervously, wanting to edge out of the scene unnoticed.

"Hello, Remus," Dumbledore said, smiling. Remus stayed where he was.

"'Lo, Professor," he said.

"Hey, Professor!" James said with a cheery wave.

"Hello, James," Dumbledore said, smiling. He waved back.

"Happy Birthday, sir!" Sirius said. He threw a handful of confetti at Dumbledore.

Dumbledore chuckled heartily. "Many thanks to you Sirius, and to you, James, Remus and Peter, but I think you may have been misinformed."

"Oh have we, Professor?" Sirius asked.

"Quiet," Dumbledore said with a nod. "You see, Mr Black, it is not my birthday today. And for another fact, however hard it may be to believe, I am only seventy-eight."

The boys snorted with laughter.

"Yes, yes, it is rather astonishing isn't it?" Dumbledore laughed. "Now, I am afraid I need to issue you a detention. How about cleaning up this wonderful mess?"

The boys nodded.

"Yes? Thankyou, boys," Dumbledore said with a polite smile. He headed towards his office and just before he left them alone in the hallway, he added, "if you do feel the need to throw another party in this hallway any time soon, I suggest mid-March is a quite an appropiate time of the year. Mind you bring a cake next time, too. Birthday parties are never quite right without a birthday cake, don't you agree?"

* * *

Well, I hope you all enjoyed that! I'm still not sure if it was much of a prank, but it was still a bit of fun. It was a good enough prank for me. To be totally honest, after _A Very Maraudery Christmas_, and next to _Lovely Rita and Lucky Peter_, this has become one of my favourites. 

Also, I made up Dumbledore's birthday and age so no questions about that, okay? Thanks!

**Reviewers** once again, thanks for sticking with the story. So happy that you're enjoying it!

On an ending note, the Marauders did end up throwing another party for Dumbledore and they did bring along a cake. And Filch wasn't invited, for he was, again, busy cleaning up apple pies which Peeves had thrown at the same group of Ravenclaw fourth years.


	12. Amortentia

**HAPPY NEW YEAR!** _from The Bean Monster._

This isn't a conventional fic for this kind of story but I felt like having a go at it. Something different couldn't hurt. It's similar to the tale about the Mirror or Erised, where we get to know a bit more about each Marauder. From here on they will now be known as 'Getting to Know the Marauders' tales.

And I love this one. I spent a very long time working on it and I am so proud of it. I demand, at the very least, five reviews (ahahaha, just kidding. Review if you want to, I'm not forcing you to).

As always, I hope you enjoy!

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**Amortentia**

This wonderful, little fic is about what the scent of Amortentia is for each Marauder.

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_Remus Lupin - Chocolate, new books and cinnamon._

It was a well known fact that Remus Lupin had an obsession with chocolate. Everyone knew that, even the people who didn't know him knew that, because Remus was more than often seen nibbling on a bar of Honeyduke's chocolate (and nine times out of ten it was dark chocolate) whether it was in between classes, in classes (every now and then he would break off a square and pop it into his mouth while the teacher had their back to him, but even the teachers knew he did that), at meal times, after meal times, before meal times, during prefect meetings, whenever there was a spare moment to eat chocolate, Remus took the opportunity. He had often been shooed out of the library by a horrified looking Madam Pince for eating chocolate while reading one of her precious books, even though she knew perfectly well that Remus was the kind of kid who would never mean any harm whatsoever to a book and would take extra care while eating when reading a book. Remus's parents weren't the most wealthy people around, atleast not since his furry little problem came along. Every morning after the full moon his father came to see him, bringing along a large block of dark chocolate every time to cheer him up (it was always dark chocolate because it was the cheapest kind because no one actually bought it). Atleast that way there was always a positive side to full moons. After a while, Remus and his parents never called it the 'full moon' time of month, instead it was known as 'chocolate week'. Chocolate was a comfort food.

Just like his chocolate obsession, it was a well known fact that Remus was a book worm. Most of his spare time was spent in the library reading a book, under the beech tree reading a book, in the Gryffindor common room reading a book, in his dormitory reading a book, in the Great Hall reading a book, that or taking part in pranks. Remus loved to learn. He loved knowing things. You could never know too much, Remus always thought. He loved to lose himself in stories, become part of an entirely different world. Words took him places, taught him things, created things. But what Remus loved most about books - even more than the words - was the smell. Books smelt like spices from far away places. Each time a page was turned of a book there was a slight cracking sound and a burst of the wonderful scent of spices. So not only the words took him to new places, but the smell did too. Books had this smell that Remus just couldn't help but love. Each time he got a new book, the first thing Remus did was open it and smell it.

Remus had absolutely no idea where his liking for cinnamon came from. For all he knew, the only thing he ate with cinnamon in it was the cinnamon toast he had for breakfast occasionally, and by occasionally I mean that Remus had it for breakfast about once a fortnight, and that was only because the house elves had this odd thing about serving cinnamon toast instead of French toast every second thursday (no one knew why and no one ever found out why). Remus just had this thing for cinnamon, and he came to the conclusion that it was just one of those very rare things that didn't have an explaination.

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_Sirius Black - The smell that comes after the rain, warm flour and woollen clothes (with a faint smell of chocolate)._

Rain had a very peculiar smell. The scent of rain could be split into three catergories: before the rain came, while it was raining, and after the rain. Before rain came, the smell was sort of like the smell of the inside of a freezer and you could smell the cold, a very strange smell. While it was raining you could smell the flowers coming out to catch a few drops of water and a funny muddy smell. It was after the rain that Sirius liked to go outside and walk around. The smell was sweet, stronger than usual, of flowers and grass and then whole world around him. The scent that came after the rain reminded Sirius of when he was much younger and when it had been raining for days on end and all he could do was sit inside with Regulus and play Gobstones by the fire. When it stopped raining, both of them rain straight outside to play on their toy broomsticks and have races while their feet skimmed over the dewy grass. The smell after the rain reminded Sirius of those rare happy moments of his childhood.

Sirius didn't tell people that he loved the smell of warm flour. This was because even he thought it was weird. How on earth does one actually go about knowing what the smell of warm flour actually is? Sirius believed that that was what the school kitchens smelt like. Whenever he and his friends went on night time adventures down to the kitchens they always came back smelling like warm flour, which lingered in the dormitory until the morning. Warm flour represented good times with friends.

Occasionally a rumour would float around the school that Sirius Black had a thing for Remus Lupin (aka, That Lupin Guy). These rumours were mainly started when Sirius turned down yet another girl and the girl got a little bit upset and started bawling to her friends about how Sirius was gay and that he had a thing for That Lupin Guy he always hung around with and then the girl's friends would tell more of their other friends and the whole thing would just snowball until everyone in the entire school, staff included, heard that Sirius Black was seen snogging Remus Lupin at the back of the library. None of these rumours were ever true. Sirius never had "a thing" for Remus at all, and he had certainly never snogged him at the back of the library. No, Sirius just liked being around Remus. They were good friends. As much as Sirius loved hanging out with James and getting into trouble for, shall we say, slipping half a dozen Stink Pellets into Severus's Potions cauldron, he always liked to have a person to talk to. James was a great friend and all, but he couldn't go through an entire conversation without once mentioning Lily Evans, and Peter... well Peter was one of those people who fell into the category of people who are insanely boring to talk to, no offence to him. Remus, on the other hand, was a fantastic conversationalist. Remus would listen to Sirius, and Sirius would listen to Remus. Sirius often liked to have conversations with Remus because both of them knew how to keep a good conversation going. Remus was the kind of friend who would be with him through the thick and thin. After spending so much time with Remus, Sirius began to notice he had a distinctive smell of woollen clothes and there was always a faint scent of chocolate that clung to him like perfume. It was an intelligent smell, thought Sirius, and it always reminded him that there was someone there for him.

_-----_

_James Potter - Gingerbread, broomstick polish and jasmine._

Christmas at the Potter household smelt like gingerbread. James loved that when he came home for the Christmas holidays that the entire house would smell like baking gingerbread. The smell drifted around the house and filled up every room so that it was warm all through the house and starting a fire wasn't even necessary. Ever since he could remember, James always helped his mum make a huge gingerbread house which they embellished with latherings of frosty white icing and brighty coloured sweets. Even when he was seventeen he still went home for Christmas to help his mum make the traditional Potter gingerbread house. It would sit on the dining table for the week leading up to Christmas and each time James walked past it the smell of gingerbread would be stronger. The thing about gingerbread was that James only loved the smell of it, he didn't actually like the taste. Infact, he thought gingerbread tasted absolutely disgusting. It was only the smell that appealed to him. The smell of gingerbread always brought back memories of his family.

Material possessions didn't matter to James. That was, of course, a lie. There were a few material possessions that James knew he would never be able to live without. Those included his wand, Invisibility Cloak, and his broomstick. James took extra care with these possessions, which meant polishing his wand and broomstick. James took particular care polishing his broomstick, making sure he always had enough polish before he went about it, and making sure that the polish left no streaks and the rag left no scratches. After spending atleast an hour polishing his broomstick, James would then spend a little time giving his wand a polish. He didn't do this because Mr Ollivander had told him to when he first bought the wand, he did it so he could carry around the smell of the broomstick polish with him all the time. You see, broomstick polish reminded him strongly of playing Quidditch, so when he carried his wand around on a daily basis James liked to pretend - secretly, of course - that he was playing Quidditch twenty-four seven.

Lily wore jasmine scented perfume. She always wore jasmine scented perfume. James remembered the smell of jasmine ever since Lily stormed out of their compartment with Snape and the sweet perfume lingered about in the compartment for the rest of the journey, and when Lily asked to borrow his knife in Potions and the smell of jasmine masked the unpleasant smell of whatever potion he was attempting to brew, and when Lily came down to breakfast every morning and left a little trace of jasmine in the air which mingled with the smell of sausages and eggs. It was surprising how many people didn't actually know what the scent of her perfume was. Most people just figured it was a lily scented perfume, but James thought that was a stupid idea. Lily would never wear a lily scented perfume. Jasmine made a stronger perfume for one, plus the scent of jasmine suited Lily better, and a lily scented perfume was far too predictable to Lily and Lily was far from being a predictable person (the time she finally decided to go out with James proved that). Jasmine, however, was refreshing and sweet, calming and somewhat obscure. It was exactly what Lily should smell like.

_-----_

_Peter Pettigrew - Roast chicken, clean linen and vanilla custard._

When Peter Pettigrew first saw the wonderful food at Hogwarts appear by magic on the glittering, golden plates at his first feast, the first thing he smelt was roast chicken. It reminded him, some what painfully, of being at home and his mother cooking a roast dinner every sunday. Peter loved roast dinners. He loved them because they took so much work and care and attending to. Roast dinners were something Peter appreciated very much and he made note to tell the house elves this every time he went down to the kitchens with his friends to see them.

The thing Peter loved most about Hogwarts wasn't, as most people seemed to assume he loved most, food. It wasn't the classes, it wasn't the trips to Hogsmeade, it wasn't the night time wanderings down to the kitchens, it wasn't watching the Quidditch matches, it wasn't even the full moons when they went down to the Shrieking Shack to keep Remus company. The thing Peter loved most about Hogwarts was that there was always clean sheets on his bed. They weren't just changed twice a week like they were when he was at home, they were changed every night, which meant that the sheets were always crisp, fresh and, most importantly, clean. His friends, mainly Sirius, would often complain about having clean sheets every night because they were apparently uncomfortable, Sirius said he liked to sleep in the sheets for a while so they would absorb his smell and become comfortable (which was something Peter found highly disturbing). Peter simply loved having clean sheets every night. After a long day of school work and getting into trouble and doing a few detentions, there was absolutely nothing better than to lay down and go to sleep on clean sheets that had a wonderful fragrance of lavender and that smell sheets always have. Absolutely nothing.

Rita O'Donoghue was the most beautiful person to ever walk through the doors of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Peter Pettigrew was the polar opposite of Rita O'Donoghue. However hard this may be to believe, the two had actually kissed. In truth, it had been a very short kiss that lasted only the briefest of a nanosecond, but it was a kiss nonetheless. Only Rita had, as Peter suspected, only kissed him out of pity because they were both standing unintentionally under the mistletoe one Christmas, which is a secret kept between Peter and his fellow Marauders (if Rita ever found that the others knew she wouldn't even hesitate to murder Peter, though it was more than likely she forgot the entire thing anyway). But where does vanilla custard come into this? Well the fact that Rita had been drenched from head to toe in vanilla custard when she kissed Peter might have had something to do with it. Since then, Peter had been madly in love with Rita (or more in love with her than he already was). Oh, not to mention that since then, Peter had become quite partial to custard tarts and had vanilla custard for dessert _every single day_.

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**HI, HERE IS A NOTE I WOULD LIKE YOU TO READ: **The real reason for Remus's liking for cinnamon can be discovered in Chapter Four, _Tomato Red_, of my fic _Choose Another Colour_ (but if you prefer to keep it a mystery, you don't have to read it if you don't want to) and his liking for chocolate is quite obvious and well known, and the full story for Peter's liking for vanilla custard can be found in Chapter Nine, _A Very Maraudery Christmas_, of this fic. I made up everything else but I think it suits each Marauder quite nicely. 

I've go so many new tales lined up for 2008 including a few James Asks Lily Out's, more Secret Passages, a James/Lily/Snape love triangle, Sorting Hat fics, a few appearances from Rita, and a few more Peter-centric and James-centric fics.

However, I am sorry but this will be the last one for a little while. I need to continue on with some of my other fics that I have promised chapters on, which is why this chapter was a little longer than normal. This is _not_ the last chapter, though, because, as it plainly states, there will be THIRTY SEVEN, read that, THIRTY SEVEN Marauder tales, not twelve. Just keep checking my profile every now and then to see whether I've updated it if you don't want to miss anything.

Oh and I must say this now before I forget, warm flour actually does smell really, _really_ good.

Thankyou so very much for reading and reviewing :)


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